Stronger Than This
by Koudelka
Summary: Saifuu. Its done, and though the end seems incomplete, I'm willing to do a sequal, but we'll see how the reviews go. Enjoy, and please review.
1. ^One^

{Author's note:Okay, this is my first story that is half-composed of flashbacks."~*~*~" Indicates the end or beginning of a flashback. Bare with me, and oh, PLEASE review.}  
  
"Dontcha think Seifer's been acting weird lately?"  
  
"NOT IN. PARTICULAR. WHY?"  
  
"I dunno, just think he is..."  
  
"..." I sighed, hoping that I wasn't missing anything going on with Seifer. Where is he, anyway? Shouldn't he have been home from work by now?  
  
"Welp, I'm goin' to... uh, the resturant, ya know?!"  
  
"MONEY. CAN'T AFFORD. WHAT DO THERE? ... GO EVERY NIGHT..."   
  
"I just hang out, ya know?!"  
  
"...Hm..." Raijin got up and left, leaving me alone in the posse's Balamb house. I let out another sigh, feeling incredibly lonely, like always, and continued to wait for Seifer. I glanced at my watch, wanting to see the time. It was one AM.   
  
"Seifer..." Acting weird? I hadn't noticed anything different, he was still himself... In a sort... It had only been two years since the sorceress incident, and things had quieted reasonably. I stood up and walked into the kitchen, where I poured myself coffee, and walked into the bedroom that we all shared. I pulled off my shirt and pants, in turn for baggy black pants and a t-shirt.  
  
"...God dammit." I heard. Seifer? He must be home... Hmm... I wonder what kept him... I ignored the fact that he was home and climbed into bed, covering myself from the chilly winter air that was floating around.  
  
"Fujin, you asleep?" I heard him ask. Yes, I'm awake, but...  
  
"Mm." I muttered, turning over to face him, rubbing my eyes, pretending I was tired, since... well, I didn't want him to know I had waited up for him a bit. I was just worried. Don't get me wrong, I hate the bastard, the only thing is, he leads our "posse."  
  
"Where's Raijin?"  
  
"He went... errm, RESTURANT. GONE TO."   
  
"Why the hell...?"  
  
"NOT SURE. BEEN GOING. PAST FEW NIGHTS."  
  
"That's odd... At least he's out of the house." Damn you. Hyne, no...  
  
"You wanna...?" To me, Seifer only had two things on his mind all the time; sex, and cruelty. I obliged, either way, not wanting to cause any sort of trouble. Heart pounding, with hatred and anguish, I sat up.  
  
"Mm. Alright..." I nodded, and Seifer approached me. We did this often, whenever we could get Raijin out of the house for awhile, I didn't know why, or how it started, it just sort of became habitual. As far as Seifer knew, I hated him, and as far as I knew, Seifer hated me. Maybe hate means something else to us.  
  
***  
  
The next morning, I woke up and glanced around the room, and then at Seifer who layed next to me. I hate him... but... there was something... Sighing, I stepped out of bed, and pulled on a bathrobe, noticing that Raijin was not yet home. I didn't bother to be concerned, however. I walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower, a wave a depression washing over me.  
  
After my shower, I got dressed and walked to the section of Balamb by the waters that only I go to. I sat and stared into the water, trying desperately to make sense of something in my life- anything... at all.  
  
"Seifer... Raijin... Me... a posse... but what kind of a posse?" I asked myself aloud, as if the metalic waves that were crashing against the shore would answer me. And then the worst possible happened- I began to reminesce.  
  
~~~  
  
My conscieness was lost somewhere in the rough waves of that winter day. My thoughts had taken over completely, and I was unsure of so much... Seifer, however, happened to first on my list.  
  
~*~*~I remember the first day I saw him. I was fourteen, and had just joined Balamb Garden... The memories... Raijin had joined on the same day... Anyway, I went to my classes, and sat alone, while everyone else sat with their best friend at the computer terminals. I noticed the blonde young man because he sat alone also, with his arms stretched across both seats, telling no one to come near him. He constantly mouthed off to our instructor, and I found him fascinating. We never spoke though... I didn't even know his name at the time.   
  
My roommate, Shanai, little did I know, was infatuated with him and Zell Dincht. She was always ranting and raving about how "hot" they were. I usually just shrugged and sighed. One late night, she addressed me about him directly...  
  
I walked into my dorm and plopped on my bed, I wasn't having such a good day, either.  
  
"Ooh my Hyne!" ...  
  
"WHAT?" I asked coldly.  
  
"Did-you-see-Seifer-today?!!"  
  
"...NEGATIVE."  
  
"B-but, isn't he in your phys. ed class?!" Sure, I thought. Yeah, I remember my phsy. ed class... Made us run three miles...  
  
"PERHAPS."  
  
"...Oh, come ON!!" Well, I guess I should tell you about how Shanai was. She was sixteen at the time, and only a little larger than myself. I was rather short and thin, I must have weighed around oh, lets say ninety pounds... and was 5 feet tall. I had both my eyes then, but we'll get into that a little bit later. Back to Shanai- she was obsessed with guys, when I couldn't care less. I mean, we probably couldn't be more different, but... she was nice to me, so I didn't mind having to live with her. But, none the less, she continued her rant about "Seifer."  
  
"He didn't have his shirt-on!!" ...The only guy I noticed (dammit, so I noticed... sue me, why don't you?) without a shirt on, was that blonde guy... was that... Seifer?  
  
"...TALK ABOUT. SITS IN BACK? AKI'S CLASS?"  
  
"YEAH! Thats him!" ...I swallowed- the realization of her infatuation being my mystery hitting me.  
  
"INTERESTING." There was a knock on the door at that time, and she stood up to answer it. Of course, it was Raijin. I mean, honestly, what did you expect? ...My life IS hell, after all.  
  
"Hey, is Fujin here, ya know?!" Shanai turned, and I moved my finger across the middle of my neck. She obviously didn't see the gesture, or just was being a pain in the ass, because she said "Yeah, right here!". I shook my head and glared at Shanai, walking out of the room. Now, Raijin. Raijin was about six feet tall and 14 also, but was still the dumb old idiot he is today. He was friends with "Seifer," and also "friends" with me.  
  
"WHAT WANT?" I ask, starting to walk in step with him.  
  
"Just wanted to see mah ole' Fuu." He always favored me, as if I actually treated him well... I didn't understand that then, but I do now.  
  
"I SEE..."  
  
"So, how ya doing?!?"  
  
"BAD. NOTHING NEW." I don't remember much else of the conversation now, but we had walked all over the Garden, before he said he had to go, so he marched off, and left me. I didn't really feel like going back to my dorm, so I just leaned against the railing and stared at the floor, until I seen a pair of black, steel -toed boots. I slowly cast my gaze up at the walking figure. It was Seifer, as expected. He was heading toward the dorms at a slow pace. I glanced at my watch-eleven thirty pm. I was stupid back then, and still am now, but either way, I could not resist the urge to creep behind him and follow him, to see where his dorm was. I walked slowly behind him, up against the wall, until someone ruined the utter silence.  
  
"Heya Fuu!" Raijin said in a high cheery voice. It scared the shit out of me.  
  
"Aaah!" I had turned by then. "RAIJIN! DIMWIT!" I kicked him relentlessly, forgetting comepletely about the man I had been stalking. I eventually looked up to see Seifer smirking at the sight of me beating up his friend, a man twice my size. I stopped, almost immediately, and stared at Raijin sheepishly.  
  
"Oww! Ya know?! That really hurt!!" He ran off toward Seifer, and began to whine about me. I could hear Seifer laughing, and it caused me to blush, and stared at the floor. I had kept saying to myself not to let it bother me, so, I took my usual position (leaning against the wall with my arms crossed, staring at the floor). Seifer and Raijin approached me. Raijin was tugging on Seifer's sleeve, telling him how much it hurt.  
  
"See, that's her! Fujin, you're always hurting me!! We're SUPPOSED to be friends, remembers?!"  
  
"PARTICULAR. NOT IN." I said, looking up at the two men who where nearly towering over me. Seifer laughed some more... And don't get me wrong, I don't do this to be amusing, its how I really feel... I guess I was weird. Still am.  
  
"Ah, I get it, you're Fujin, right?" I was so concerned with the fact that he didn't know my name up to that point, I forgot to answer.  
  
"...Hello?"  
  
"Oh!! Ye- AFFIRMATIVE."  
  
"I see... Well, I'm Seifer!"  
  
"KNOW."  
  
"Oh. Well, uh, Raijin's always complainin' about ya." ...This had gotten me worried... I got upset at Raijin and kicked him.  
  
"Hey, hey, I was just kidding... geez." He said, patting me on the back. His gloved hands against my shoulder had made me wish I wore a shirt with sleeves.  
  
"I SEE. WELL. MUST GO." I had trotted off, and regretted it when I noticed Shanai watching.  
  
"I didn't know you knew him! Ooh, you HAVE to introduce me...!"  
  
"Uhhh... DO NOT. JUST BUMPED INTO. FAULT. RAIJIN'S."  
  
"Oh. Bummer."~*~*~  
  
I continued to glare down into the waters, until I noticed a drop or two of liquid drop into the waters. I reached up and touched my cheek, and realized these memories of the posse's early days caused my tears.  
  
"Hey..." Seifer muttered, walking up behind me. Why are YOU here...?  
  
"GREETINGS."  
  
"Raijin never came home last night."  
  
"I KNOW."  
  
"...Oh... Well, I have to get to work, Fujin, so, bye." Leave me, go ahead... What is this...? Not a friendship, not a realtionship...! ...Just your sex toy, am I? ...Bastard.  
  
"...FAREWELL." I heard him trudge away, and I continued to stare into the waters. I've never been credited for anything I do...  
  
~*~*~I hadn't interacted with Seifer too much since that night with Raijin, and I liked it that way you could say... I was still sort of embarassed for messing up so much. It was Christmas eve... I hate Christmas, along with all other holidays... So, life sucks even more... I heard the parties outside. Shanai had gotten a date with Seifer... And to be completely honest with you, I was really jealous... I didn't show it, of course. I sat, trying desperately to concentrate on studying for an upcoming math exam, but thoughts kept drifting through my head, and the noise from outside was too loud. Finally, I threw the math text book across the room in anguish, groaning. Maybe I could go outside and grab some kind of alcholic beverage. So, I pulled on a sweater over my tank top and walked out the door, and headed toward the Quad. Once I got there, I seen a beverage table, and grabbed the largest thing there- some sort of beer- and glared across the room, giving anyone who looked my way a cold stare.  
  
"Hey!" I turned, upset that some one had singled me out in particular. It was Raijin.   
  
"GREETINGS."  
  
"Merry Christmas, ya know?!"  
  
"...LEAVE ALONE."  
  
"Awww, but Seifer's gotta a date! Who am I supposed to hang with!?"  
  
"GOING BACK TO DORM. AM."  
  
"Awww! Oh look, hot dogs!" Raijin ran off toward a food table, and I sighed, looking around. I seen Shanai flirting with Zell, eventually, she dragged him out of the room. Interesting, I had thought she was with Seifer. I set my empty glass down and grabbed another, turning and heading back to my dorm. While I walked to my dorm, I was surprised to see Seifer sitting in front of his, talking to Squall Leonheart. I watched silently as Seifer made Squall angry, causing him to walk off upset. I decided maybe it was best to go back to my dorm. So, I set my glass on the floor, and walked past him, going to my dorm.  
  
"Hey, Fujin." ...My heart started to pound for a reason I didn't understand... I didn't understand what caused all of this...  
  
"Hey..." The drinks were starting to get to me because I was talking in normal tone. Oh well, too late to correct it now.  
  
"I really hate these goddamn holidays."  
  
"Me too..." I admitted, turning finally. He had been so close to my back that it caused me to take a step backwards.  
  
"You're really edgy, aren't ya?"  
  
"Y-yeah, that, or its just that I'm half-drunk. Sorry... See, I'm even talking wrong. I should get to bed..." I walked toward my room, and put my hand on the doorknob.  
  
"Wait!" I was surprized at this.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"...Shanai's in there."  
  
"Yeah, so? She's my, uh, roommate."  
  
"N-no, her and Chicken-wuss." At the time, I had no given clue who "chicken-wuss" was.  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"You know, uh, Dincht." I knew that my face was turning red, so, I just frowned and slouched down against the wall, sitting on the floor. Seifer sat beside me, and picked up the leftovers of my drink, gulping it all down. My head started to hurt, and I leaned it back against the wall. He glanced down at me.  
  
"Ah, shit, the Garden Staff's gonna run the alcohol check... We should get inside."  
  
"...Fuck." I had muttered, staring at the ground.  
  
"Come on." I was so surprized when he brought me to feet and took me into his dorm. I was half-drunk, but I still remember everything that happened that night. I entered the dark room and glanced around, feeling it was safe to trust him, being Raijin's friend and all.  
  
"Have a seat."  
  
"...Alright..." I sat on his bed, continuing to glance around.  
  
"...You gotta be quiet so they don't come in here..."  
  
"Mm." After the Garden Staff went away, Seifer and I had a decent conversation- until it got personal and I lost alot... including my innocence. I was fifteen.Thanks, Seifer. Thanks again.~*~*~  
  
  
  
End Chapter. 


	2. ^Two^

I looked up at the sky and realized it was getting quite late, and decided to head home. I scowled at the sky, for turning dark so soon, and walked up the path to our house.  
  
"Hey, where've ya been?!" Raijin greeted me.  
  
"QUESTION. REVERSE."  
  
"Jest at the resturant, ya know?!"  
  
"FINE." I glanced at my watch. Midnight. Already?!  
  
"Ima gonna heada to bedsa!" He talks so oddly...  
  
"FINE."  
  
"Wow, you're kinda upset, ya know?!"  
  
"...BED."  
  
"...Okay, okay, ya know?!" He marched off to our bedroom, and I could not help but be a little relieved, because Seifer could not bother me... But, if he really felt like being the horny bastard he was, he'd take me to the hotel... Please don't get me wrong, I don't do this by force, and I do, for the most part, enjoy it... I just... Ah... This made me remember the morning I woke up in Seifer's bed on Christmas day...  
  
~*~*~When I woke up that morning, I glanced at the naked man next to me, and nearly screamed, realizing what exactly my drunken state had done to me... Or rather, what Seifer Almasy did to me... He stirred, and I immediatly pulled the grey blankets up over my chest, praying he wouldn't wake up. To my dismay, his eyes opened and he stared up at me, smiling slyly.  
  
"Good morning." He had said, not taking his eyes off of me.  
  
"...Gr-greetings." I muttered, not able to get the loud, strong voice I usually was able.  
  
"How'd you sleep?" I remember thinking up all sorts of bad names for him in my head when he said that- but I never used any of them.  
  
"...Well."  
  
"...Sure you did." That must have not been *his* first time (obviously), and I couldn't help but wonder who else had had this experiance that fell a little short of "safe." At the time I wanted him to get out of bed and take a shower, leaving me to get dressed and leave, but he did no such thing. About fifteen minutes passed.  
  
"You should leave. You never know *who* stops by here."  
  
"Y-yeah." I remember being so scared getting out of bed and letting the cold, winter air brush against my bare body. I remember the feeling of his eyes on my back as I dressed- I was frightened, to be honest with you...~*~*~  
  
&*&"Fucking door." I was shot out of my reverie at the sound of Seifer's voice, and stood up immediatley, walking quickly toward the bedroom. Maybe he won't see me... The door opened.  
  
"Hey Fujin." Dammit. I turned around, looking innocently at him, feeling anxious for a reason I didn't understand.  
  
"...Uhh, well, hello." I muttered, looking at the floor.  
  
"Love you." What are you talking about?! Seifer...? ...&*&  
  
"Hey you." ...?!  
  
"Wake up." ...What?  
  
"Hello?" Hmm?  
  
"Fujin! I told you not to sleep on the sofa!" Ooh! I was... dreaming...  
  
"Oh. I'm sorry..." My eye shot open, glancing up at the man who stood standing over me. I stood up, trying to bring myself to his level. He looked down at me.  
  
"Yeah, don't friggin' apologize- I told you I hate that, too."  
  
"Ah, apologies." I turned and got out from between him and the sofa, sighing, I headed toward the bedroom, half dissapointed that it had been a dream- half relieved. I layed in bed, staring through the darkness at the ceiling.  
  
~*~*~I never spoke to Seifer after that, and he never spoke to me. We weren't enemies... We just acted like before, stirring eachother's attention a little, no more, sometimes less. A week had passed.  
  
"Heey! Guess what?!" Shanai said, as I entered our dorm.  
  
"...YES?"  
  
"You know Christmas eve...?"  
  
"YES..." Fuck that night... I *loathe* Christmas- now more than ever.  
  
"I just got up the courage to tell you... or anyone."  
  
"...Hmm?"  
  
"Well, I met up with Zell on my date with Seifer... I mean, Seifer's a pretty boring person- once you get past all of those muscles... That smile... That chest..." I hated her then. For reminding me what I had seen.  
  
"Urm, GO ON."  
  
"Well, I... um, well, I, uhhh, went off with him... to here... and we..."  
  
"REALLY?!" I asked, pretending to be surprised.  
  
"Yeah... well, I'm almost eighteen... Not like I'm sixteen."  
  
"...Y-yeah... you have fun?" My voice mellowed into normal tone then, memories of that night coming back.  
  
"Oooh yeah! ...Speaking of which, you neva came home that night, girl. Where were you?!" She looked at me intensly, like I was gonna tell her that I had had sex with Seifer Almasy...   
  
"I was.... uhhh...." I remember thats when trouble started. There was a knock on the door, it was the garden staff... They said that Garden was under Galbadian attack and all students over fifteen were to grab there weapons and meet in the Quad- to prepare for attack... Trouble; I knew it.~*~*~  
  
At this point, Seifer entered the room, and I think he thought that I was sleeping, because he pulled off his trenchcoat, and undressed. When he pulled off his shirt, I seen it- a long gash through his back... I almost shot out of bed and ran over to him, but was able to contain myself, not understanding these emotions of... caring? ...  
  
"Seifer... what happened to your back?" He froze, turning, only wearing a pair of black baggy pants, which caused me to chew at my lower lip, making me wish I hadn't said anything.  
  
"I thought you were asleep..."  
  
"...No."  
  
"Just a little fight, its no big deal."  
  
"...Seifer... Its bleeding..."  
  
"He had a knife- what? You think that wouldn't break through skin?"  
  
"...Seifer."  
  
"So... big friggin' deal." I should have just given up right there and then- but I didn't, only because he lead our posse. I got out of bed, and grabbed his wrist, bringing him into the bathroom.  
  
"What're ya doing?"  
  
"...Helping you."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because you're hurt." He shrugged, then moaned in pain due to the forceful movement of shoulders. I grabbed some weird stuff in a brown bottle, and placed it on the sink, grabbing a towel, and wetting it with warm water. I pressed it gently against the gash.  
  
"Ah..."  
  
"Shh... stop acting like a child."  
  
"...Its not my fault it hurts."  
  
"...I know... sorry."  
  
"Not yours either." ...?! Wow. You must be tired.  
  
"This is gonna burn a little."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"Iodine."  
  
"...Dammit! I'll be fine."  
  
"Stop moving around."  
  
"Fine." I poured some on a fresh cloth, then pressed it against the top of the gash. It didn't burn so much until I got to the center, and deepest part.  
  
"Agh! Stop it! That really *fucking* hurts!"  
  
"Stop moving! You're making it bleed." I blew on the spot where I put the brown liquid, and I seen the hairs on the back of his neck rise. He sighed, waiting for more pain- I guess.  
  
After finishing, he turned to face me... I was afraid he'd scold me for helping him.  
  
"Thank you, Fujin."  
  
"Y-yeah, don't worry about it..." I chewed at my lower lip and turned, picking up the blood and iodine soaked towels and placing them in a trash can. When I turned, he was still standing there.  
  
"Is something the matter? Still hurt?"  
  
"No..." He kissed me. Oh, stop it, Seifer... We can't do this now, you're injured, and I'm not in the mood for sex. I kissed him back, and he smiled.  
  
"Thank you..." And he went to bed... No sex. No fight. Nothing... Just that kiss. I don't understand you, Seifer. 


	3. ^Three^

I walked into the bedroom to see Seifer laying face down on his bed, sleeping, probably. I crouched down to the ground and picked up the black t-shirt that Seifer had discarded to the floor. I stood, looking at the rip that ran through the back of the black material, surrounded in discolorment I classified as Seifer's blood. Sighing, I walked into the kitchen to throw it out, since it was virtually useless now. Pity really... It looked good on him...   
  
~*~*~"Doesn't he have *such* a nice ass?!" Shanai said loudly to me, causing several people, including Seifer, to turn. I turned red and looked at the floor, pretending not to notice that Shanai was still saying things. Everyone was standing at an assembly in the Quad, and we were recieving instructions for the upcoming Galbadian attack- I wasn't really paying attention... though I should have been, which is why I blame the following events on myself.  
  
"Okay, okay, he turned around; look!"  
  
"WHAT?"  
  
"At his ass..."  
  
"...?!" Thank you, I had thought to myself, I already know it- too well.  
  
"Just comment on it, I wanna know what you think... please?"  
  
"DEGRADING." I muttered, peering over Zell Dincht's shoulder at Seifer's... uh, rear end. ...  
  
"No, no! I meant Zell- not Seifer... Why'd you think I was talking about Seifer...? I *am* going out with Zell..."  
  
"NOT SURE." Embarrassed, I realized the assembly was over, and I had no clue what to do... I seen Seifer talking to some girl who works at the library, and felt jealous, and angry at him, as if he were mine... heh. I was told to go back to my dorm and await further announcments, since sleet had started to come down to the ground. Shanai and I returned to our dorm, and I regretted everything.  
  
"Hey, you. I know your secret." !  
  
"TALK ABOUT. WHAT?"  
  
"... You like Seifer."  
  
"?! NEGATIVE."  
  
"Ooh, come on! You always stare at him..."  
  
"...DO NOT."  
  
"ATTENTION ALL ELDER CLASSMEN. PLEASE COME TO THE QUAD IMMEDIATELY. BRING YOUR WEAPONS. WE ARE UNDER ATTACK. LIBRARY STAFF- TAKE THE JUNIOR CLASSMEN OUT INTO THE FIRE CAVERN. I REPEAT..."  
  
"Lets go! I'll talk to you when I get back!" She said, smiling. I got a bad feeling... Dammit... Shanai.~*~*~  
  
I shut off the kitchen lights and crept toward the bedroom, trying desperatley not to wake anyone up. The door opened, and I jumped back, hiding in the shadows- and watched. Raijin left. What is he doing?... Sighing, I went into the bedroom, and layed on my bed. I got up in a rush, feeling sick and dizzy. I clutched my stomach. I guess I had thought too much...  
  
"You okay...?" Seifer asked, sitting up when I came back from puking in the bathroom.  
  
"...You don't care. Neither do I. Lets just sleep, alright?" I had to go to work tommorow, I didn't want to...  
  
***  
  
...After work the next day I came home, unforutnately, and realized it was Seifer's day off... And Raijin was still gone. When I entered, he was sitting on the sofa, reading a Weapons Monthly. I didn't say anything, and put my bag down on the chair.  
  
"Hey..." Go away, bastard.  
  
"Uh... GREETINGS." I didn't feel so well, and I didn't want to have to deal with Seifer, so I walked toward the bedroom.  
  
~*~*~"Ms. Sanada, you go to the front gate, make sure no one gets in. You'll be working with Nida Tanaka." A SeeD said to me. I looked up and nodded, heading toward the front gate. Nida wasn't there, so I was left to fight off twenty opposing soliders with just my shuriken. I was drawn outside, where the sleet soaked me and made me cold, and numb all over. But I continued to fight- I didn't even know why. ...But then, a rather large man came up to me. He had a sword. I was scared, for this man was larger then Raijin... And I'm pretty sure he'd hit girls... We fought for awhile, and just when I thought I was winning... It happened. I heard screaming. I looked up toward the Quad to see a person who I later identified as Shanai being pushed off the edge by older soliders. She grasped the railing for dear life.   
  
"No, no, no!" I said. Then the man I was fighting rushed toward me, bringing the blade of his sword across the left side of my face. I swung my shuriken at him... and he was hurt badly. He fell toward the ground. I looked up to see someone trying to help Shanai up. Then I realized only my right eye was working... I was so shocked, but when I seen the person fall, grasping the edge, the pain numbed over, and I ran into the Garden, running quickly toward the Quad, which was empty, save for four hands, slipping fast on the wet ground. I ran toward them, sleet and blood causing my hair to cling to my face. Then I looked, and seen who the second person was. Seifer. I didn't have time to plan out who to save. Shanai would be easier to pull up... No! Then Seifer would die... It wasn't my place to decide who lives or dies. I seen Shanai slipping, and Seifer was losing grip also...  
  
"Fuck. I'm sorry." I said. Reaching for Seifer's wrist. I pulled on him, and he was so god damned heavy for my 90 pounds. Sometime during my saving him, Shanai fell to her death. I finally pulled him up, and was so tired. Glad my hair was covering my injured eye, my right eye started to cry, and I was thankful for the wetness coming from the sky. I crawled over to the edge of the Balcony and looked over, seeing Shanai's body mangled on the ground below... Why did I save Seifer, dammit?! I pounded my fist on the ground, and I felt Seifer pull me back away from the edge. He held me... and let me cry.~*~*~  
  
I sat up in bed, glancing around, my eyes resting on the clock, which read 8:23 pm. Sighing, I walked out of the bedroom. Seifer was still reading the magazine, and I sighed.  
  
"Hey, Fujin?"  
  
"Hmm...?" I said, sitting on the arm of the sofa.  
  
"...You feel okay?" Just tired, Seifer.  
  
"AFFIRMATIVE. WHY ASK?"  
  
"I dunno, I mean, you looked sick when you woke up this morning, and look tired now... You okay?" You don't care! Why are you asking me?!  
  
"...FINE..."  
  
"Alright, alright." I stood up and walked into the kitchen... I was really tired... So... tired... I dragged my feet back into the living room, trying desperately to make it to the bedroom with out Seifer noticing. I staggered.  
  
"You drunk...?!"  
  
"...Fuck you." I muttered, not wanted anymore of his puns. I waltzed into the bedroom. Dazed, I fell onto Seifer's bed unintentionally, and slept.  
  
~*~*~I woke up in the infirmary, with an eyepatch on my left eye. I stood up, ashamed of letting Seifer see me cry, and looked around. It was morning and the Garden was no longer in chaos. I checked out of the infirmary, trying hard to adjust to only having one eye. People looked at me oddly as I walked by, and when I seen Seifer and Raijin, instead of stalking them, I ran the other way to my dorm. But, upon entering, I seen Shanai's things, and left, not being able to take it... It was as if I *killed* her... Classes were discontinued for the next five days, and I took the oppurtunity to go to Balamb. I exited Garden, paying no heed to the warning of a blizzard from the front gatesman. I went over to that path by the ocean, neverminding the freezing temperatures... And I just thought... about everything. About three hours later (Yes, I am able to think without interuption for so long), the tide came in, soaking my pants, since I was kneeling. I jumped backwards, right into someone.  
  
"Aah, APOLOGIES."  
  
"...Don't apologize." It was Seifer naturally- how did he find me...? ~*~*~  
  
"Fujin..."  
  
"Yes?" I muttered, not bothering to open my eyes to whoever was standing over me. I covered my head with the pillow. It smelled oddly... Leather and blood...? Seifer. Ooh... I'm in Seifer's bed... Dammit... I didn't mean to... Thats probably him, going to yell at me...  
  
"Get the fuck out of my bed, unless you want sex." ...Yep... getting out of bed right now.  
  
"APOLOGIES."  
  
"Yeah, s'right. Now, go on." I tossed the pillow to the foot of the bed and looked at the time. Midnight. Oops. I glanced up at Seifer, who was standing over me- shirtless, and on my way to my bed, I glanced at his back. It looked a little better...  
  
The next morning, I felt sick again, and decided it was best for me to go get some medicine at the drug store. So, I climbed out of bed, and headed toward the closet to get some clothes. Raijin *still* wasn't home...  
  
"Where do you think *you're* going?"  
  
"...Just out..."  
  
"I see..."  
  
***  
  
I entered the drugstore, and looked around for the counter where the pharmicists were.  
  
"Hi, how can I help you today?"  
  
"DIZZY. TIRED. SICK. REGURGITATE. MEDICINE; WHERE?"  
  
"...Hmm... Well, lets see... Hmm..." She typed something up on the computer.  
  
"YES?"  
  
"Well, I suggest you try what I'm about to give you, and if it doesn't come out to be the cause, take some of this medicine. I'll give you both in a sec, lemme just go get them and package them." She walked off, and I sighed, wondering what she'd give me. She handed me a paper bag.  
  
"Thats fifty gil." I put it on the table and left, heading home. Seifer was obviously still in bed, so I went into the bathroom, and leaned against the sink, pulling out the bottle of medicine. It was some odd purple stuff. I pulled out the second thing. A box. I read the label. "Odine Pregnacy Test." Hah, yeah, okay. I took it, and waited the two minutes I was supposed to, already knowing the results were negative.  
  
"Fujin, you in there?"  
  
"AFFIRMATIVE. LEAVE ALONE."  
  
"...Fine." I heard him walk away just as I seen letters fade in. Positive. No. I read it wrong. I felt dizzy. No, no,no... Wait. I read the label again. "100% reliable." ...N-no... There must be a mistake... I could feel tears.  
  
"N-no." I sobbed, feeling tears flowing. Can't be... Five minutes later, I wiped away my tears, took a shower, and walked out of the bathroom. Seifer was laying face down on the sofa. I could see some blood seeping through on his grey t-shirt. Should I help him...? No, the bastard impregnated me... But its really not his fault... Yes it is...  
  
"Um, Seifer?"  
  
"...Go 'way."  
  
"...But, Seifer."  
  
"I told you, I'm not going to Garden." ...Sighing, I lifted his t-shirt, only to see the center of the cut bleeding. I wiped away the blood with the tip of my finger and looked at it. His blood... Shaking my head at how stupid I was acting, I walked into the bathroom and grabbed the iodine. I brought it back in, and looked down at his back, cut still bleeding. I wiped away more blood with my fingers, glad the bleeding wasn't that bad. I put the iodine on the cut, and Seifer woke up immediately.  
  
"Friggin' hell?!" He jumped off the sofa, instinctively reaching for his gunblade. I dropped the iodine, looking at him shaking my head. I walked into the kitchen with one word on my mind. Abortion. 


	4. ^Four^

"Are you sure you want to do this, Ms. Sanada...?"  
  
"AFFIRMATIVE..." I replied, looking the doctor square in the eye.  
  
"You can get child support off of the man who impregnated you..."  
  
"ABORTION. POSITIVE."  
  
"Alright, alright... Here. Take two of these with food."  
  
"THANK YOU." He handed me an envelope with two pills in it, and I put the 2500 gil on the desk, leaving the office.  
  
"Where'd ya go?!" Raijin asked, greeting me.  
  
"...WORK."  
  
"...But ya don't work on Sundays!"  
  
"...LEAVE ALONE."  
  
"But-"  
  
"MAKE DINNER. GO." He trotted off into the kitchen to start dinner, and I sat on the sofa, wondering where Seifer was, but not really caring at the same time. I wonder if doing this is just some awful way to get back at him... Frigging life.  
  
"Where've you been?" Seifer asks, coming out of the bedroom, crossing his arms.  
  
"...OUT."  
  
"...Out where?"  
  
"BUSINESS. YOURS. NOT."  
  
"...Oh really?" I seen his emerald eyes narrow with anger, glaring at me, he stepped toward me, until he was one foot away. Its your fault- if you hadn't been the horny bastard you are... Oh god... its my fault too... At that point, I wanted to collapse into his arms crying, but last time I was ashamed, and this time, he'd probably push me away...  
  
"...I'm sorry..." I muttered... stepping by him. Making me depressed gives him pleasure, I know it... it hurt, when I seen him smirk as I walked away, apologizing like an idiot. I walked into the kitchen to see broiled Chocobo on the table, and frowned, but the doctor had said to take the pills with food.  
  
"I'll eat in my room..." I muttered weakly... Sort of depressed over what I was going to do. After I ate, I opened the small, yellow envelope and pulled out two cerulean pills. ...*Our* baby... I'm going to kill it... just like I killed Shanai.  
  
~*~*~"Fujin."  
  
"YES, SEIFER?"  
  
"Raijin and I were thinking... Uhh, we were hired for Discaplinary commitee, and we need one more person... So, will you join our posse...?"  
  
"...Um... OF COURSE."  
  
"Okay, great, ya know?! We gotta stay together forever...!" ~*~*~  
  
We do...? ...We do. I glanced down at the pills.  
  
"I'm... sorry, Seifer..." I muttered silently, bringing the pills up to my mouth.  
  
"For what?" !!? Seifer came out of the bathroom, which is, as you have probably already guessed, in the bedroom. I scratched my neck, pretending that was the reason my hand was near my mouth.  
  
"...WHAT?"  
  
"Why are you apologizing...? What's in your hand?" ...  
  
"...I, uh..." I was honestly at a loss for words. He came over and reached for my hand, but I slid back on my bed toward the headboard. He followed, crawling on the bed until he was over me, staring down at me with those firey green eyes.  
  
"Seifer..."  
  
"What's in your hand?"  
  
"...Seifer..." He reached for my wrist, and without thinking, I dropped the two pills into my mouth. There was no way I could swallow them, I needed water.  
  
"FUJIN! What the fuck did you just do?"  
  
"...Nothing, Seifer."  
  
"..." He let himself collapse on top of me, and began to kiss me? No, this wasn't a kiss...? What the hell? No, stop it...! His tongue entered my mouth and moved around fiercely, until it found the two pills that were under my tongue. He grabbed them with his tongue- which rather talented... believe me- and took them into his mouth, then spit them out into his hand.  
  
"What the fuck are these?!"  
  
"...For headaches..." I lied.  
  
"I don't frigging believe you." He walked into the bathroom, and moments later, I heard the toilet flush. I shot up out of bed and ran into the bathroom, to see Seifer staring down into the toilet.  
  
"You didn't!"  
  
"Oh yes I did."  
  
"Seifer! ...Those weren't fucking yours to trash! I paid MONEY for those. Not your money- MY money... bastard!" After I stopped yelling the realization of why he did what he did hit me in the face- hard... he... was concerned... Thats why... I'm sorry. -Or, he could just want to make my life more hellish than it already was... Yeah, that was probably it.  
  
"Well, I'm SORRY! ...Fucking bitch has no respect..." He left the room.  
  
~*~*~ "You! You have no appreciation for ANYTHING anyone EVER does for you...!!" Zell had yelled.  
  
"...APOLOGIES!"  
  
"Too late now!" He yelled, upset at me for saving Seifer over Shanai.  
  
"...Fuck off, okay?" Seifer said, giving Zell a look of anger.  
  
"...No! Listen! She was... so important! ...And this... you saved this bastard."  
  
"I SAID shut the fuck up!"  
  
"...You weren't worth saving." I stood there, watching the two verbally abuse eachother, until I couldn't stand it any longer.  
  
"STOP IT!" I had yelled at the top of my lungs. Everything went silent; deadly silent. They had both found me... Seifer first, and Zell second. I had come to Balamb to be alone... Look at what I got... Just the opposite.  
  
"...Get the fuck away from here, Dincht." Zell ran off toward his house, where I guess he was staying for the vacation we received at a high price, and I looked over at Seifer, who shrugged.  
  
"...Fujin."  
  
"Y-yes...?"  
  
"I, uh, wanted to thank you..." I could feel, at this point, cold snow start to fall from the sky.  
  
"...Its fine. Forget about it."  
  
"But... ugh..." He sighed, not able to reply to my statement. I felt so guilty then, and I guess I still do now...~*~*~  
  
I sat back on the bed, sighing, wishing I never lived. Wishing so much... Hyne, Seifer...! ...I can't stand you, and now I'm pregnant with your child... Do you believe this, your fucking child!? ...Okay, I need to stop this. I *have* to get more pills. I can't let him know I have his child inside of me... I just... can't. Seifer entered.  
  
"What were those pills?"  
  
"...Fuck off."  
  
"...Tell me right friggin now!"  
  
"Go away... F-ing bastard."  
  
"...Hmph." The envelope. Oho shit, the envelope... No, no, no! I reached down and put my fingers around it, but then I felt his boot on my fingers.  
  
"Oww, Seifer... Please... that really hurts..." He stepped harder. I crawled onto the floor from my bed, and grabbed the envelope with my other hand, jumping backward onto the bed. Of course, I failed as always, because Seifer pounced on me.  
  
"Hmm... what do we have here...?"  
  
"Seifer... stop it! Why do you have to do this?! You always have made me suffer... Never have you done anything for me... NEVER! ...I saved your fucking life! ...Don't you remember!? ...Shanai died for it... It was MY fault. *I* had to live with that guilt, not you! Go the fuck... away."  
  
"...Damn you." He grabbed the envelope, and read it.  
  
"S-seifer..."  
  
"..." He turned, fire in his eyes... I was really, truely scared.  
  
"...You're friggin' pregnant?!" ...I'm sorry.  
  
"...Um, well, yeah..."  
  
"And you didn't even fucking tell me?! And you were gonna get fricking RID of it...?!" ...I...  
  
"...CARED. DIDN'T THINK SO."  
  
"...What?! ..."  
  
"I SAID I didn't think you'd care!"  
  
"...Fuck, Fujin..."  
  
"Doesn't even fucking matter." I said, leaning back, sliding down to the floor against the wall.  
  
"...It doesn't matter?! What the fuck?!" I stood up.  
  
"Of course not. I mean, what the hell do you care anyway... To you, I'm just your fucking bitch. So the fuck what, I'm pregnant? You don't care so let me fucking get rid of it! You have no say in it anyway." I crossed my arms, and I could see I had made him angry. Trying hard not to show my fear, I opened my mouth to say more.  
  
"You know, you don't even care if I'm dead or alive. You'll just find yourself another bitch... Someone else to fuck... I don't matter. Never have."  
  
"Fujin, stop it!"  
  
"N-no! I have never been cared for, or appreciated. I'm just FUJIN! That's it... nothing special..." What am I doing? "...I'm all alone, and no one cares. Now stop trying to give yourself credit and go away... I don't want to see you..."  
  
"Fujin... I appre-" Stop it. No!  
  
"No you don't! You don't give a fuck! You don't care. No one does... I should... I should just die... Its not like it would matter to you..." I could feel tears stinging in my eye, but I blinked them away.  
  
"Don't SAY that!" I felt a forceful movement hit me in my left jaw, and it burned... it bled alittle too. I slumped down to floor, looking up at Seifer, trying my best not to cry. Seifer... how *could* you...?! He turned, and left the bedroom. 


	5. ^Five^

~*~*~ I stayed in the Balamb hotel that night, since the snow had started to come down rather speedily. I think Seifer may have too, but that hadn't mattered. Well, then, anyway... I glared out the window, staring out toward the sea, where the waves crashed against the shore, as snow rained down from the heavens. There must have been at least a foot and a half out there... I sat on the bed sadly, feeling depressed, wondering what/who Seifer was doing... I sighed, standing up, unable to bear the thought of Seifer with someone else.~*~*~  
  
I was loyal then, even... When I hardly knew him... And he hit me... Everything is so fucked up... I don't understand... I really don't. Why...? Why, Seifer? ...Please... tell me why. I swallowed, leaning foward on my bed, trying so hard not to cry, when I decided I should go look in the mirror at just how bad my mind was exaggerating the pain. Not at all, I realized, glaring in the mirror at the large bruise which had formed (and still forming), and a small cut, also. That must have been caused by the silver ring Seifer always wore... Seifer... Oh, I hate him...  
  
"Hey, Fujin! Where are ya, ya know?!" Oh... no, Raijin.  
  
"BATHROOM."  
  
"Oh, sorry. Well, I'm gonna go out, ya know?!"  
  
"...FINE. FUN. HAVE."  
  
"See ya!" I heard him leave, and I grabbed a washcloth, wet it with water, and held it to my cheek, praying some of the swelling would go away. It didn't. So, totally giving up, I walked in a daze to my bed, where I laid, staring at the floor blankly... I had never felt this way before. No thoughts crossed my mind, and I could feel no emotions or pain... I was glad... Maybe I could stay this way forever...  
  
~*~*~I sat on my bed, still glaring out at the snow which continued to fall, until there was a knock on my door. Who found me now...? I thought to myself, standing up and walking toward the door, sighing. I opened it, and seen the hotel manager... Oh shit, what did I do...?  
  
"Hello...? Yes, were you staying here alone?" He asks, looking at me with a pleading look in his eye.  
  
"AFFIRMATIVE."  
  
"Well, we are all booked... And your room seemed to have the most space..."  
  
"Look, this really i-isn't necessary- you bas-" I heard a familar voice say.  
  
"FINE. CAN STAY." I had no clue at the time who it was I was letting into my room... I'd just sleep on the floor- I didn't care... That is, until the hotel manager went away, revealing who else but Seifer Almasy...  
  
"Oh, uh, sorry about him..." He plopped on my bed, getting as comfortable as could be. He was very cold looking- in a literal sense.  
  
"IS FINE." I shut off the lamp and took my place staring out the window, trying my best to pretend he wasn't there... I killed her for you, Seifer, and you think absolutely nothing of it. Sure, Seifer, I have no fucking guilt on my chest... None at all.  
  
"...What's the matter...? Why'd you come here?"  
  
"...NOTHING. WANTED, GET AWAY. WHY YOU?"  
  
"...Followed you..." ...?  
  
"I SEE..." ~*~*~  
  
The fact that Seifer was following me confused me to no end, and I brushed it off quickly. I stepped outside the bedroom to see Seifer laying on the sofa, face buried deep in the cushions. I didn't say anything to him, for once, and I exited to the rain outside, not being able to help but wonder how long I had been pregnant... Seifer... I walked down the small path to the ocean, where I sat, letting the rain come and soak me to the bone, letting my skin wrinkle, and letting my hair stick to my face. I sat for awhile, than sneezed twice, and realized I should go home- beside, it was getting dark out. So, I stood up and walked in the front door. Seifer turned his head from the pillow and looked at me.  
  
"Where the fuck have you been?"  
  
"WAS... Ah-chooh!" Shit. "OUT." I finished, sniffling slightly.  
  
"Out where, exactly?"  
  
"AROUND. TOWN."  
  
"You're soaking wet... You know, Fujin, you are really frickin' stupid, going out like that..." I felt a sneeze coming on. No, no.  
  
"I... HAVE TO. SLEEP." I dragged my wet booted feet into the bedroom, where I sneezed. I pulled off my sopping wet clothes and tossed them to floor, promising myself to pick them up later. I'd take a shower then sleep... Dammit, Seifer... I walked over to my dresser casually and picked up a small picture out of the draw, along with some clothes, that I laid on the bed. I ran my fingers along the picture as a sharp realization hit me. It scared me. Then lightening struck somewhere near, and I dropped the picture. It shattered. I jumped back, grabbing a robe and placing it around me. I was still scared. Almost terrified. I touched my cheek and crouched to the floor. You see, this realization cannot be true...  
  
I was scared. But there it was, as much as I hated it. The realization of all the emotions that had been pent up inside of me for many years... Seifer... Seifer Almasy... I love you. It hurt me, to think it, but I knew unfortunetly, it was true. I got this weird feeling whenever I thought about him, or when his name was mentioned. My heart would go light, and fall to the pits of my stomach, and I'd close my eyes not able to bear the thought of him... So, no matter how long I've been working to put this off, the realization is clear... And there's no denying it. 


	6. ^Six^

I watched her disrobe silently from the doorway. I stood, heart throbbing as her clothes fell silently to the ground. The curves of her body were firmly outlined in the underclothes she was wearing, which were tight, and fit well. She ran her fingers through her platinum hair and sighed deeply, but all emotions remained contained. The remainder of her clothing hit the floor with soft thuds, and she walked to her dresser and pulled out a change of clothes that she laid out on her bed. She turned back to the dresser and picked up a framed picture. She held it, and she ran her fingers along the glass, sighing slightly, which made me wonder what the photo was of. A loud clap of thunder sounded as she dropped the picture, and jumped back. The crash of the glass caused me to step back also, but I did so in a less attention-drawing manner. She let a river of obscenities flow from her mouth, ruining the silence. She shivered, pulled on a white robe and placed the picture in the draw, then crouched to pick up the shattered glass. Another clap of thunder sounded causing her to jerk back... Hmm, her guard is high tonight... I blamed this on myself, and my pointless hitting her. She stood up, holding the white robe to her body, and the other hand was held out, a piece of glass jutting out from it. I wanted to step foward and help her, but I decided against it, being the foolish bastard I am. A droplet of blood hit the rug, and she walked into the bathrooom, muttering something about her being "a clumsy bitch" and shut the door.   
  
Frowning softly to myself I entered the room and walked over to her dresser, and began picking up the shards of glass. There was an awful lot of blood on the floor, and I brushed my fingers against the bloodstained rug. Ahh... Fuu... Around fifteen minutes passed, then Fujin came out of the bathroom, wrapped in the same robe. She glanced at the glass I had picked up and placed in the small trash can, and nodded a thanks, and it was then that I realized that I had not looked at the picture. Dammit.  
  
"What happened to you?" I asked, motioning to her hand, which was hidden well under the sleeve of her robe, still bleeding through.  
  
"GLASS; CUT."  
  
"You okay?"  
  
"AM FINE."  
  
"Lemme see."  
  
"...NEGATIVE."  
  
"God dammit, Fujin, stop being such a pain in the ass."  
  
"..." She held out her hand, which still had the large shard of glass in it.  
  
"You should have taken that out."  
  
"PAIN."  
  
"So?" I grabbed her arm over the soft material of the robe, and pulled her into the bathroom, where I looked at her intently.  
  
"...This is gonna hurt a little." I muttered, grasping the glass in her palm.  
  
"...IS FINE." She said, then bit at her lower lip.  
  
"Don't do that, you'll chomp your lip off or something when I do this..."  
  
"WILL HURT THAT BAD?"  
  
"Well... yeah." Her crimson eye narrowed, and she looked around desperatley before biting her lower lip again.  
  
"You're gonna be sorry, Fujin."  
  
"...SO?"  
  
"...Okay, ya ready?" She nodded, and I gave the piece of glass a firm tug. The peice of glass was dislodged from her palm, causing her to moan, and I seen blood seep from her mouth. I dropped it in to the sink, as she looked to the floor.  
  
"I told you NOT to do THAT!" I said, getting upset at her for disobeying me.  
  
"AM... FINE."  
  
"Maybe you should go to the doctor..."  
  
"AM... FINE." She said, looking up at me. My eyes fell, however, to her robe which had come open which caused me to kiss her, drinking the blood from her mouth. I swallowed the liquid, not wanting to stop kissing her, though I could tell she was in a state of confusion. The blood was a new taste, and tasted different from my own, which I had tasted whenever I got hurt in a fight, or whatever. Her blood tasted like iron, as most blood does, but it also tasted sweet and cold... freezing. I wrapped my arms around her slim build, never wanting to let go. Her hand was probably bleeding due to the glass, because I could feel her blood seeping into my shirt, her hand firmly pressed to my back. I reached my hand up into her wet hair, grasping at it, while my other hand found it's way into her robe, feeling around her body which was still damp from the shower.. Her heart was pounding- I could feel it, as her robe dropped to the floor.  
  
"Fujin..."  
  
"Seifer..." I love it when she says my name like that... In that low whisper, like she needs me to go on. I felt her grasp at the back of my shirt, nails digging into my back slightly. She unzippered my shirt, and dropped it to the floor, causing me to see her hand.  
  
"You sure you're okay...?" I ask, looking at her in the eye.  
  
"Yes..." I kissed her again- harder this time. I held her, not so sure I could ever let go of her body as it pressed itself to my bare chest. I panted, and kissed her deeper still, not knowing what had caused this sudden surge of emotions. I brought my fingers to her cheek, brushing her hair back slowly, until my fingers came across a small imperfection on her soft pale cheek. I reluctantly broke away from her, and studied her face and what exactly I had done. There was a large bruise, and a small cut in the center of it, caused by my ring. Fujin had been known to bruise easily... I'm sorry...   
  
"I..." I managed. I could see a small tear form itself in her crimson eye, and she began to quake gently against my body, as she pressed her face against my chest. I could feel water on my chest, and hoped it was from her hair, and I didn't make her cry...  
  
"I'm... sorry..." I mumured in a hoarse whisper into her ear. She looked up at me, lips pressed firmly against eachother.  
  
"N-no... I... deserved it... I guess..."  
  
"No...! You didn't..." I felt really guilty... Which was a feeling I had come to know more over the last two years than ever before. Her hand touched my shoulder, another gesture I didn't understand to well, but then I seen blood. Still bleeding...? For some reason, the blood attracted me, for I remembered the bittersweet taste I had tasted before... I looked to see if her lip was still bleeding, and it was, but not as strongly as before. I kissed her again, and bit down on the previously bleeding spot, causing her to lurch foward against me.  
  
"Ahh..." She moaned softly as I licked off the blood. It was so good... Heh, I'm an idiot, I just hurt her some more... What an ass, I am. -But, I was enjoying myself; the sweet taste of blood as it went down my throat, leaving it's essence in my mouth. I was pretty sure that Fujin didn't understand, but she let me keep drinking her blood as if I were a vampire. It stopped bleeding eventually, and I continued to kiss her, and I touched her... everywhere, longing for more of her blood.  
  
~~~  
  
I woke up the next morning with my arm around Fujin's body, and I wanted more blood. I didn't understand. But, dammit, not just anyone's blood, *Fujin's* blood. I looked at her palm, which had stopped bleeding, and I didn't want to disturb it, so I just started kissing her, hoping to open the cut on her lip. Her eye opened, and was suprised to see me over her, but she responded, being the good little girl she is. Heh. I opened the cut, causing her to take a gasp in. I licked at her lower lip, tasting the taste I had come to love. I wrapped my arms around her, and she put her hand behind my head, still a little bit confused, I'm sure. But I wasn't in an explaining mood. I couldn't get enough of the blood which flowed freely inside of her- keeping her alive.  
  
"Seifer... what are you doing?" She asked, breaking away, turning her head to the side.  
  
"...What's it seem like...?"  
  
"...I..."  
  
"Your blood... Fuu... its so..." I couldn't find a word to describe all the emotions her blood filled me with. "Desirable." Tch. What a word.  
  
"Hm...?" She moved away from me, looking at me oddly. "Th-that's disgusting..."  
  
"No... it isn't. Please..." I chewed at her lower lip some more, tasting the bittersweet taste of her blood again.  
  
"Seifer... that hurts."  
  
"No..." I sucked at her lower lip, wishing I could get more blood out, but I couldn't.  
  
"God... Seifer...?" Okay, I think I should stop... Oh, but I can't pull away.... she tastes so good...  
  
"Sorry... Fuu."  
  
"...Y-yeah..." She murmured nervously, slinking back down under the covers. Blood lust...? What *is* this? A little weird... I probably scared the shit out of the old girl...  
  
"Your hand okay?" I ask, trying desperately to change the subject.  
  
"Sure, just fine... But you should be more concerned about my face." She muttered firmly, staring out the window, where rain still poured down from the grey-white skies.  
  
"...Sorry." She followed up, looking back at me.  
  
"How long have you known?" I ask, finally building up the substantial amount of courage.  
  
"Known what?"  
  
"That you were... you know..." Pregnant. That was too harsh a word. Especially since I had no idea if it was mine... I mean, honestly, who knew who she had sex with... I didn't.  
  
"A few days."  
  
"Oh..." Asking who's it was would be too much of an "iffy" question, because if it was mine, and she never did it with anyone else (yeah, right), she'd be insulted. If otherwise, she'd think I was stupid... God dammit.  
  
"...I can see the wheels turning in your head, Seifer..." ...!?  
  
"...What do you mean?"  
  
"Yeah, Seifer, it's yours." I didn't know what to think. I was surprised- yes, very much so... But also dissapointed... not wanting to be the father of her children... Fuck, what an awful thought... No... that's not true, maybe I do want to be the father of her childen... My heart pounded inside of my chest, and rang loud in my ears, causing me to wonder if she could hear it. She placed a pale, white hand on my chest.  
  
"I'm sorry, Seifer..." She was apologizing...? I stared at the bruise on her cheek, then turned my gaze toward her eye, looking at her intensly. She cowered back a bit, scared of my glare, maybe. She held the white blanket on my bed close to her body, looking at me sadly.  
  
"Don't apologize, Fuu...-jin." Dammit... That sounds odd coming from me.  
  
"...But... Seifer... I should have been more careful..." Wow, she was blaming this on herself... Nice... Or no, what am I thinking?! This is my fault too...  
  
"...No, Fujin, its not your fault, okay? We'll deal with this..."  
  
"Th-thank you, Seifer..."  
  
"Don't thank me..." I said, brushing a lock of hair out of her face. Her reaction was to reach up and touch my fingers, which I quickly moved into a kiss. Our actions were that of two lovers, yet... Did she even love me? I didn't love her... I mean, sure, she was a good friend... And yeah, She attracted me... I had romantic feelings about her... I mean, who wouldn't? She was a slim albino with sexy platinum hair and awesome eyes... Of *course* she arroused me. But was there more? 


	7. ^Seven^

I set the razor back in it's place and gave myself a good glare in the mirror, pleased with the way my eyes narrowed in a sinister manner. Heh. I pulled on a black t-shirt and exited the bathroom, looking around for Fujin, who had obviously left... Oh well. I pulled on my boots, and exited the house for work. Still raining? Damn... Fujin had probably gone to work... Hm... Why do I keep thinking of her...? Maybe because I'm so content... Hehe. I signed into the Balamb Police Station, where I work as an officer. Kinda funny, if you think about it... I mean, two; three years ago, I was trying to destroy the world, and now I'm working to "make Balamb a better, safer community." Oh, yeah, better, safer community my ass. I just need the money. I sat at the desk, chewing at a pen, waiting for the action that would never happen. Rainy winter days were always so god damn slow... I wonder where Raijin's been... I wonder where Fujin works... Heh, I'm her child's father, and I don't even know where she works... Probably a hooker, I mean she gives some really good sex... Fuck, more bad thoughts. Sorry, Fujin. I banged my head on the desk until it hurt, then I just looked around... Hmm...  
  
~*~*~ I remember one night, a long time ago, when I had followed Fujin to Balamb during the winter. There was a huge blizzard, and the hotel was booked so, I stayed in Fujin's rented room.  
  
"Followed you..." I told her. That's why I came to Balamb. Well, sort of. Actually, the real reason was that I wanted to apologize for being saved by her, causing her to "kill" Shanai. Shanai was her best friend, I guess... And Fujin didn't have many friends... Didn't think she wanted any... you know...  
  
"I SEE..."  
  
"You like the snow?" I had asked.  
  
"PREFER RAIN."  
  
"I see... Well, I'm gonna sleep..." I was (am) such a selfish bastard. Sure, I'll take the fucking bed. I know you feel fucking uncomfortable after I ruined your innocent self, but I'll take the bed anyway... Fuck...  
  
"FINE." And I slept... Hehe. And I woke up. She was still staring out the window, and I remember praying that either the snow had stopped, or, she had gotten sleep. She turned, and didn't look like she had slept, also revealing the snow still coming down. ~*~*~  
  
"Almasy, take your frickin' break." Some other officer said to me, waking me from my reverie. I didn't bother to figure out who the fuck it was, I just grabbed my Hyperion and left, making sure I scowled at him on my way out. I went to get coffee, deciding that I really needed the caffiene. So, I walked into the Balamb Cafe, and looked around. The place was fucking deserted, I mean, literally, there was no one there... Heh, must be cause of the all of the rain...  
  
"Ah-chooh! Shit." Fujin. Shit, how the fuck did I know that...?  
  
"Hey, can I get some fucking service?" I asked, leaning on the counter.  
  
"Well, I don't know, hold the fuck on." Tch. She came out, and looked up, surprised it was me, and pressed her lips together apologetically.  
  
"Service with a fucking smile, as always, Fujin."  
  
"Fuck you. What do you want?" She crossed her arms over her chest in a defensive manner, glaring at me... God fuck, you'd never guess what we were doing this morning.  
  
"A black coffee. Large." She nodded, and exited to the back.  
  
"Ah-chooh! ...Dammit." And I said in a mocking tone:  
  
"Wash your hands, Fujin."   
  
"Fuck off, Seifer."  
  
~~~  
  
When I got home at around one am, Raijin was still not home.  
  
"Alright, where the fuck is Raijin?!" I asked to no one in particular.  
  
"I have no f-" She stopped, mid-cuss. "IDEA. NOT HAVE." Fujin said, looking up from her book, that she was staring into as she sat on the sofa.  
  
"Was he home earlier?"  
  
"TEN P.M."  
  
"Shit..."  
  
"WHAT?"  
  
"Nothing, he's just *extra* fucked up lately." She sighed to herself, shaking her head, and went back to reading her book. So aren't I, then again. I walked into our bedroom and looked around. The sheets had been changed, which caused me to wonder how the hell Fujin worked from nine to twelve and still had time to do this shit. Not my concern. So, Fujin works as a waitress at a cafe'. Dammit, wrong again, I thought as I plopped on my bed. I could smell her blood off the pillow, and lust for it I got scared the shit out of me. I'm *not* a frigging vampire, so what the hell is this...?  
  
Well, I'll tell you right now, Fujin picked the wrong time to walk into the room; wrong fucking time.  
  
"Hey, Fujin..."  
  
"SEIFER." She greeted with a nod and a slight cough. I got out of bed and walked over to the bathroom, not wanting to scare the shit out of her again like I had last night.  
  
"Fuck..." I muttered, looking in the mirror while running my hand down my face. I had an anxious feeling inside of me- one I didn't understand all too well, so I just walked into the bedroom. Fujin was just pulling a tshirt over her head as I plopped on the bed, and I found it odd how she didn't even acknowledge my presence. Heh... I glanced out the window, and the rain was still pouring down from the skies, but by this time, I was pretty sure it was sleet.  
  
"SEIFER. ARE OKAY?" She asked, looking down at me with concern written on her pale face... Which only made me feel worse, because I seen the bruise on her cheek.  
  
"...Fine." I said, covering my eyes with my arm, feeling guilty and the like. I knew she wouldn't press on, I mean, why would she? Dammit, I want to taste her blood again... Why the fuck though? I stood up and grabbed her arm, then pulled her to me, where I kissed her.  
  
"Seifer..."  
  
"Shh." I bit at her lower lip, trying desperately for the blood I longed for..  
  
"Seifer... what the fuck are you doing?" I bit down harder, not able to control myself at all.  
  
"Oww! Seifer!!" She moaned. I let go, not able to get enough blood through her lips. "What the *fuck*?!" She nearly screamed, bringing her fingers to her bleeding lip. She wanted an explaination. Shit. What the fuck was I doing?! Fuck...  
  
"Sorry, Fuu..."  
  
"Well, god... What were you doing?"  
  
"Just uh... kissing you."  
  
"Kissing me? Try 'eating me'... Dammit... You did the same thing last night, but I figured, 'fine, okay, no problem... he's just drunk, or high, or something' but give me a break. What the fuck?"  
  
"Fuck off, Fujin." ...Shit... I think I shouldn't have said that...  
  
"Okay... fine..." She turned, and prepared to exit the room.  
  
"NO, Fujin!" I grabbed her arm. What am I doing...?  
  
"What?"  
  
"I... was just... sorry..."  
  
"Its fine, Seifer... Forget it."  
  
"No, Fujin... I just... I don't know..." I kissed her forehead, and she looked at the ground.  
  
"Its okay... Um, though, why were you... well you know...?"  
  
"Its stupid. I don't even understand... Your... uhhh, blood... is... err... tasty...?" I uttered, feeling like a friggin' idiot.  
  
"What...?"  
  
"I dunno. Just is."  
  
"...Okay... then. I'm gonna get some sleep..." She looked at me like I was insane, and I couldn't blame her.  
  
"I think I know why..." She turned to look at me.  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"Because its what keeps you alive... Therefore its what I want..."  
  
"Seifer... Urm..." She wore an uncomfortable look as she approached me, yet I grabbed her, kissing her immediately, not understanding the sudden urge to kiss her that I had just recieved.  
  
"Seifer..."  
  
"Shh, Fujin... Okay?"  
  
"Yeah..." I laid her on the bed and fumbled around in her draw until I found the dagger she kept with her at all times.  
  
"Seifer, what are you doing?"  
  
"Asking your permission."  
  
"For what?"  
  
"Your blood..."  
  
"Seifer, you're acting like a vampire... Thats silly though... You should rest..."  
  
"No... I mean it. I'm fucking serious." Why?  
  
"...S-Seifer, you're scaring me a little..." She sat up on the bed as I approached her.  
  
"Please...?"  
  
"...Yeah..." What am I doing...? Fuck... So good though... I crawled on to bed and rested my body over hers, wondering where to cut her. Her arm, would be safest...  
  
"I'm sorry... Fujin..."  
  
"..." I held the dagger to her arm and applied pressure, moving it slowly down until she had an inch long cut, with blood seeping out slowly. Her body jerked foward in pain until it touched mine, and I brought my mouth to the cut, sucking diligently. The familar taste filled my mouth, sending me into a world of complete ecstacy, while I sent her into one of fear and pain. Fuck! I stopped soon after the realization hit me, and looked down at her. She looked up at me, a tear of pain in her eye. I kissed her, without biting her- hoping it'd make up for something.... 


	8. ^Eight^

"S-seifer... I'm gonna go lay down on my bed... I'm gonna let you rest..."  
  
The tone in her voice haunted me as I tried over and again to sleep... She sounded untrusting... I mean, who would trust me? I just cut her open... The blood lust was more than the usual sexual lust I had, and that was pretty scary... heh. She glared at me before she had climbed into bed, clutching her arm... Dammit! I finally got up and went into the living room, just in time to see Raijin walk in.  
  
"Raijin. Hey, where the fuck have you been?"  
  
"...Uhh, just hanging, ya know?!"  
  
"...Hanging? The hell? Hanging where and how?"  
  
"...Well, errr, ya know... I, uh, found a girlfriend! Yeah! Ya know?"  
  
"...Sure." I didn't believe him, but I wasn't really in the protesting mood, so he went into the bedroom, where he probably slept. I didn't understand where he had been, or how the hell he could have a girlfriend, but whatever. I plopped on the sofa, pinching my eyes shut and sighing, realizing I didn't understand alot of things, and was quickly and steadily shedding my cool, "big and bad" exterior for an emotional one, in which there were feelings that I had never felt before. Not quite understanding, I groaned, rolling over on my side, only to feel the cut on my back open, and blood come out... Fuck it. I waited there, for sleep to come, but the son of a bitch never showed up. Actually I think he peeked in for a minute, but ran back out... Fucking coward...  
  
~*~*~  
  
"MORNING. SLEEP WELL?" She greeted me.  
  
"...Yeah. You?"  
  
"I..."  
  
"Didn't." I finished for her. She frowned, nodding, then glared back outside. Oops. I made her upset alot back then, angry and the like... Now I just make her depressed... She doesn't yell at me, or scold me... She just sighs... Fuck...  
  
"...BLOCKED IN HOTEL. SNOW. THREE FEET." I had mixed emotions at this time, because getting locked up with Fujin can get scary. But then again, "bonding time..." AKA, sex, in my book, anyway.  
  
"So, uh... what choo wanna do?"  
  
"...NOTHING."  
  
"Ah... Oh..."  
  
"WHY? SOMETHING IN MIND?" She turned, smirking seductivly. So god damn alluring.  
  
"...Well, maybe..."  
  
"OH?"  
  
"Yeah..."  
  
"TOO BAD." ~*~*~  
  
Bitch. God...fuck. I could feel sleep start to tease me, but I pushed it away. I had to leave for work soon anyway. Fujin came out of the bedroom, and probably thinking I was asleep, approached me. I decided to play along. I shut my eyes, and with my back facing her, she lifted the back of my shirt, glancing at the blood that had seeped out. She ran her fingers across my back, causing the hairs on the back of my neck to rise. She began to utter words that I could only hear bits and peices of.  
  
"Seifer... I don't... understand... I don't know how to say this... And maybe you'll hear me through your sleep. I know its a stupid concept... but... I'm leaving... Yes... I..." She continued to wipe away stray blood with her fingers, then pulled the back of my shirt down, then turned me over, and I tried desperatly to keep my eyes shut as she brought her lips to mine. I couldn't help but pull her down on top of me, still not opening my eyes.  
  
"Don't go away."  
  
"I can't stay here."  
  
"Then I'll come with you."  
  
"...Seifer... its you that I'm fleeing from."  
  
"...Why?" I sat her up, and sat up along with her, realizing maybe... it was time. Fuck... time for what...? I'm in denial... I'm stronger than this...!   
  
"I... I..."  
  
"Shh, just stay... alright? I won't pull any of that shit on you ever again..."  
  
"Seifer... You... scared me..." She uttered, burying her face in my shoulder. Regaining her composure (which is very important to her) soon after, she sat up, and brushed away any stray tears that may have fallen.  
  
"I... I'm fucking sorry okay? ...I mean, er, I'm sorry..." I fuck everything up, I swear to fucking god.  
  
"You're... sorry? Do you mean that?" It was then that I realized that Fujin was a very emotional person she just never dared to show her emotions, which is why she talked the way she did, though that was even slowly coming undone... She saved my life on two occasions...  
  
~*~*~He gazed down to the waves that crashed against the land that was keeping him alive... He wanted nothing more at that moment than to be one of those waves- crashing against the cliff. Catching the next person who decided to escape the treacherous world around him. Escape... to escape. The guilt and depression soaked into his skin more so than the rain which poured down from the heavens- only to help him... The guilt was washing throughout his body, on his face, underneath his skin, and within every living cell... What if he were to kill off every living cell within? He glared into the water one final time. So, this is how he would go... The merciless knight who stood by the most powerful forces.... The man who refused to hand over the key to saving the world... The man who had a posse under him... Yet he had quite the burden from all that above him. Which is why he took a deep breath, and then took a step forward. This is the end.   
  
"SEIFER!" She had called me... Fujin? I had turned, surprised, placing my right foot back on solid ground.  
  
"Wha...?" She ran toward me, grasping my trenchcoat sleeve.  
  
"There you are... What are you doing?" It was after I had lost to Squall at Lunatic Pandora, they left, and I had decided to get rid of myself... For the fucking world.  
  
"...Saving the fucking world."  
  
"WHAT? EXPLAIN." She crossed her arms, looking up at me, straight in the eye.  
  
"Look, the world will be better off without me... So, I'm doing this for the world..."  
  
"Seifer..." She took a deep breath, and let it out slowly, casting her gaze at the ground, then back up at me. "You... You are my world..." What did she mean? Maybe I'm beginning to understand now... ~*~*~  
  
"Of course... I'm fucking sorry... I'm sorry..."  
  
"Seifer..."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"...Thank you."  
  
"For what?" She was *thanking* me? The fuck? ...What did I do...?  
  
"...For... apologizing... I... appreciate it."  
  
"...?" What did she mean? What was she saying exactly...? Did she hate me? ...Damn... "What?"  
  
"Yeah..." She got up and walked into the bedroom slowly. Was she still leaving? Probably not. I stood up and walked into the kitchen, where I sat, and thought, and thought... ... And... slept. 


	9. ^Nine^

Sometimes, I wonder... Honestly... I woke the next morning with my face stuck to the cold wood of the kitchen table... God fuck. Yeah, okay... I stood up, not really caring for the moistness that had found its place on my cheek, and I walked into the bathroom to take a shower. I could feel it, the warm pellets of water coming down on my back... Ahh... I reached for the hot water and turned it on full, waiting for the hot water to come. But... I waited some more. And more. No hot water. Dammit!  
  
"Fucking peice of shit, who failed to pay the frigging bill?! ...God dammit! ...Fuck... I'm in charge of the fucking bills..." I kicked at the tile wall, but failed also to notice that I was barefoot... And that cold water was running on to the floor. Boom... Damn. Fuck... My ass. I had slipped, and landed square on my ass...  
  
"Shit! Friggin' peice a' shit floor! What the fuck you think you're trying to do?!" I stood up, rubbing my behind, and I glanced at my face in the mirror to see a bruise... I didn't realize I hit my face... Yeah, probably at the rim of the bathtub... Fuck... My perfect face goes down the crapper too... It's then I realize that its on the same cheek as Fujin's... I guess what goes around comes around, and when it comes around, it hits you hard. This just isn't my fucking day... I stepped out of the bathroom and looked around to where the rest of my posse were, and if they were intact. Sort of hoping that they were in a worse condition than me, (I'm awful, I know), I walked into the living room. Raijin was there, (wow, what the fuck?), and sitting on the sofa, watching something on TV. He seemed to be in a good condition... Fujin came out of the kitchen, in the best condition a single white lady who was abused by her impregnator can be... Fuck, thats not good.  
  
"SEIFER. BRUISE. HOW?"  
  
"Heh... I don't fucking know.. Its a long story, okay? ...Damn."  
  
"...FINE." I could tell she was sorry for being concerned, because she immediately left for work... Damn, I guess pregnant women *are* moody... Well, actually Fujin's always moody, but that's beside the frigging point here.  
  
"Hey, Raijin, I gotta go to work... You better be fucking here when I get back, or... damn, I'm gonna get nervous..."  
  
"Yeah, yeah." I exited, and went to work... Life was slow... It was still fucking raining... My life still fucking sucks... Dammit...  
  
Later in my fucked up day, I decided to go get coffee, so I entered the cafe, feeling like I was intruding, since Fujin worked there... Heh, I'm a bastard anyway.  
  
"Service, dammit!" I yell.  
  
"Hold the hell on." A man's voice says, and he comes out... Kind of good-looking... I hope Fujin isn't interested in him... Ah... what the fuck do I care? Anyway.  
  
"Yeah... You know, the item shop sells friggin' coffee, I'll go fucking there next time..." I say, crossing my arms.  
  
"Whatever. Look, what do you want?"  
  
"...Double expresso with nothin in it, you can handle that, I trust?"  
  
"Yeah..." He goes into the back and Fujin comes out. She looks up and smirks briefly. He comes out and gives me the coffee, and I open the small lid and take a sip... It's really good... hm...  
  
"Hey, you fuck, learn how to make fucking coffee! This isn't coffee, this is warmed up shit!"  
  
"What? ...Excuse me, I'll trust that's the best coffee you've ever had!"  
  
"...Not really... I want my friggin gil back."  
  
"...Please."  
  
"...No, I'm fuckin' serious."  
  
"....Mhm. Fuu, come mere." ...Fuu? He called her *Fuu*? The fuck?! Thats IT! Dammit... Goody two fuckin' shoes...  
  
"YES?"  
  
"Taste this. Is it any good? Or is he... being a bastard?"  
  
"IS BASTARD."  
  
"...Fuck off." I say, handing her the coffee. She takes a sip.  
  
"IS FINE. PERFECT. GOOD JOB. SEIFER. GO HOME."  
  
"..."  
  
"Oho... so *you're* Seifer?" He asks, as if I've been talked about before.  
  
"Damn straight."  
  
"Hehe."  
  
"What?" Fujin went silent suddenly, setting my coffee down on the counter.  
  
"Yeah, I mean, *someone* had to make an excuse when social services came in here wondering what the hell happened to a single pregnant woman's face..." He said, crossing his arms over his chest. Guilt washed over my body. This is just not my fucking morning... day... or life.  
  
"Whatever... What the fuck you say anyway?"  
  
"Well, I said she fell in the bathroom, hitting her face on the side of the bathtub." ...Damn, that's just what happened to fucking me! Fuck... Heh, ironic.  
  
"...Yeah, well." I grabbed my coffee and walked out, feeling remarkably guilty, I didn't even bother to go back to work. I just went home, walked in, tossed my Hyperion aside along with my trenchcoat, only to hear the tail end of Raijin's phone conversation.  
  
"Yeah, yeah... I got them... don't worry... I'll get em to ya, ya know?! Oh, damn." He looked up at me. "Gotta go, see ya." He hung up, and smiled at me sheepishly, as if I wasn't on to him that he was a drug pusher... Hm, you never would have guessed.  
  
"Who the frigg was that?"  
  
"...Just a friend."  
  
"Costumer, friend, same thing." I walked into the kitchen at this point, truely believing that Raijin was a drug dealer and that's where he had been. I...am...an...ass... Tch.  
  
Fujin walked in about an hour later, staring at the ground the whole way, and I was afraid she might walk into something, yet hell, she didn't. Why'd she have to be so perfect?!  
  
"...SEIFER... CHILD... ...WANT OR NOT?" She sat across from me, to my surprise.  
  
"...Well..."  
  
"UP TO YOU..."  
  
"Fuu, hun... I... uh..." Totally torn as to what I wanted to say, and what I felt, I stood up and finished with an ever-elusive "I... need to think." I'm an ass, end of story.  
  
Laying on my bed, staring at the ceiling. The oddest thing was- I was actually thinking. Damn... How weird is that? A child. Now... honestly, would I be the selfless and devoted father I needed to be? Whoa, a father... what a frigging word to describe myself as... Okay, anyway... I might just screw everything... Maybe it'd be better off if it wasn't alive. It's parents would be arguing all the time... It. I refer to it as "it." ...  
  
~*~*~  
  
"Matron, why am I at an orphanage...? I mean, can't I be loved like everyone else?"  
  
"...Well..."  
  
"What?"  
  
"...You *are* loved."  
  
"Oh? By whom?"  
  
"Me, and Cid, of course."  
  
"Oh, puh-lease. Jest answer my question."  
  
"Well... Seifer... you were an accident. You understand that, don't you?" That had hit me hard... And so, at that moment, I hardened up, and derived my pleasure off of other people's pain... Nice, isn't it? But, I'll never forget the pain, you know...? ...I have to... keep this kid... She/he'll never know they were an accident... Yeah...  
  
~*~*~  
  
Okay, there. My mind is made up... Dammit. Okay, well what I'd like to know is Fujin's opinion on all of this... I mean, she did attempt abortion, but that might have just been because of me... I don't know... Why do I even give a shit...? Oh yeah... I know now... 


	10. ^Ten^

Later that night, I walked into the living room, to hear the tail end of another conversation; this time, between Fujin and Raijin.  
  
"Well... whaddaya mean, what does Seifer think of you...? I dunno! I'm guessing... he well, ya know, isn't in your favor... Sorry, ya know?!"  
  
"IS FINE..." There was something in her voice... As if it were choking her back, I didn't understand, because I had never heard it from her before, or from anyone else... Okay... this is what I need to do. I have to *talk* to her. Not just hold conversation. I need to listen, not hear... It'll be hard- but I can do it. I know it...!  
  
"Ey, Fujin." I say, leaning against the door as if I've been there listening to the whole conversation. Screw up number one.  
  
"WHAT?"  
  
"I need to see you... In the kitchen."  
  
"ONE MINUTE."  
  
"No, fucking now." ...Screw up number two.  
  
"NO. YOU WAIT."  
  
"...Its important. You want me to go into it in front of big and stupid?" ...Screw up number three... I can just friggin' see where this is going...  
  
"...FINE. AM COMING."  
  
"Fine, leave me out, ya know?!" ...Yeah, it's going to hell in a handbasket... I can tell these things- when something's gonna get screwed.  
  
"Well, you leave me outta your stash, buddy." What a moron.  
  
"Whatcha talking?!"  
  
"..." Fujin and I walked into the kitchen, and each took a seat across from eachother at the kitchen table.  
  
"Do you want it, Fujin?" Yeah, that's right, get right down to business.  
  
"...I... Well, I don't wish to kill it. But if I must, and you don't think you can care for it properly..."  
  
"I can! And... I think I kinda want it..." God, I sound like a pansy.  
  
"SHOCK. WHY?"  
  
"Look, I've got my fucking reasons..."  
  
"...FINE..." ...Ahh... damn, I've probably just made her feel used... I am screwed. She stood up, and I stood also, taking her lower arm into my hand, and she looked up at me.  
  
"You know, this is a joint deal... If you don't want it... I don't." She tossed me a confused glare.  
  
"..."  
  
"Do you want it, Fujin?" I drew her body closer to mine, grasping her back with my other hand.  
  
"...If you do..." She uttered, looking up at me.  
  
"...I only want it if you do."  
  
"Well, it really isn't whether you want it, or if I want it... It's if *we* want it." ...She's good with words... hehe.  
  
"...It won't work unless we both want it... You're right... So... can we handle it... together?"  
  
"I can handle it with you, can you handle it with me?" She said. Now, I don't know why, but that just seemed like a good time to kiss her- so I did- and she responded. Heh.  
  
"Of course." I said finally, staring into her eye.  
  
"Oh?"  
  
"...Yeah... you're easy to handle..." With that said, I ran my hand down her side down to her hip, and kissed her, grasping at her hair with my other hand.  
  
"Seifer... I've never heard that before..."  
  
"That's because you don't talk to *me* much."  
  
"...Mm..." The phone rang totally killing- no brutally murdering- my moment. I let go of her and she went over and grabbed it.  
  
"Hello?" She said in some sort of desperation I was not used to hearing. It was a desperation as if she had just escaped a demon who was ready to take her to hell and bring her back slowly.  
  
"Hmm..." I let myself mutter.  
  
"Oh... Seth? ...I, uh, see..."  
  
"...?"  
  
"Sure... I'll be right over."  
  
"The fuck?" She hung up.  
  
"Who the frigg was that?"  
  
"No one."  
  
"Sure, like hell. Who the holy fuck is Seth!?" I nearly yelled, getting possessive and upset.  
  
"...The man you met today."  
  
"...Oh, well fuck... What's he want?"  
  
"...Me to come see him." Ah... what the fuck!? ...No. She isn't going anywhere! Who the hell does he think he frigging is, messing with MY Fujin?!  
  
"I don't think so."  
  
"...What? Who the fuck do you think you are?!" She yelled. Uh oh... hehe, I think this is it. Death, with a One hundred and fifteen pound albino. I'll be fucked... hm...  
  
"...You can't control me!" She continued. "I don't belong to... you, and I won't ever! Let it go... You impregnated me, and that's our only fucking affiliation now! I'm s-so tired of you controlling what I do, and who I talk to... Enough is enough, Seifer... I'm leaving. I'll see you later... With the way you treat me- maybe... maybe I won't even come back... I tried, I really did. With everything I had... I used up all of me, trying for YOU... Just... please..." ...For once, in my useless, pointless, completely despondent life, I lost. She won. I was speechless. So many emotions mixed at that moment, and so fast they flew in my mind and heart that I could only grasp one; regret.  
  
At that moment, I wanted to walk over to her, place my arms around her body, and drink every drop of blood out of her. Not because I wanted blood, not because I wanted to kill her (and I didn't want to...), but because I wanted her to be a part of me... That's when I realized we shouldn't of had sex until both of us felt this way... I'm fucked up. With this she turned and left the house, onto the rainy streets of Balamb, to who knows where in this dark, cold night.  
  
~*~*~  
  
"So... can we leave now?" I asked the small albino who was still staring out the window, causing me to wonder what exactly she saw out there... What was so enticing?  
  
"WANT TO?"  
  
"Well, yeah, I mean, I'm locked up here with-..." My voice trailed off, realizing what I was about to say.  
  
"WITH?"  
  
"...No heating! Yeah!"  
  
"CORRECT. I SEE CAN SAVE OWN ASS. HEAT. OUT. NIGHT." Wow, what a lucky bastard I was. I didn't notice the heat having gone out, because I was warm and comfortable under the blankets of the bed, while she was close to the drafty window, feeling every cold air molecule, and none of the warm ones. Upon getting out of bed, I had to jump back in instinctively because it was so damn cold.  
  
"Ey, uh, Fujin, why dontcha come in here? It's warm..." She said nothing.  
  
"If it makes you feel better, I'll get out and... uh, lay on the floor." And that was probably the nicest thing I had ever tried to do.  
  
"AM FINE HERE."  
  
"It's friggin' freezin' out there."  
  
"TO YOU. YES. TO ME... WERE WARM. ALL NIGHT."  
  
"...Look, fine, sorry." With that, I got out of bed and had my way. I walked over to the window and picked her up, then while she was beating on my chest, I layed her on the bed, and lay next to her, arm fastened around her body so she doesn't leave. I covered us both up. She didn't say anything after that, she was just silent- in thought, or totally out of it... Maybe she was thinking about me... Or maybe she was thinking about... her awful, fucked up life... which I didn't realize was there until this very moment, when I stand alone, in our dark, deserted, and lonely kitchen, where there was once an embrace, in which a realization was almost had.  
  
I think the worst mistake I ever made was hesitating when I was going to step off the cliff... The worst (only) mistake she made was stopping me... And the worst mistake we made was definitly getting eachother into a state of mistaken-love. I've got it figured out now, yet I don't want to face it. I eat, but don't *taste*. I hear, but don't *listen*. I look, but don't *see*. I touch... yet I don't *feel*. I love... but I don't realize it.  
  
~~~  
  
So, sequel? Tell me in your review. 


	11. ^Things to Say^

I did decide to do a sequal, it's right here.  
  
You can go on like the story ended there if you want to, this is just for the people that wanted one.   
  
The sequal makes it happier, so, it depends on how you like the moods of your stories.  
  
http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=473834  
  
Theres the sequal, enjoy. 


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